Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Happy Halloween with some pointers..

1) On your ride home from work SLOW THE F' down. I know your commute sucks but hitting me, or a little kid is really gonna put a damper on your day.

2) This is a "kids" holiday which means.
-fat people carrying a 6 month old in a pea pod costume does not count. If you are giving a kid this small candy to begin with get off my freaking porch. You are fooling NOBODY buy your own damn candy.

-if you drive door to door you get nothing. I am fine with pulling up to a dead end street and "walking one end
to the next" just don't do the slow roll behind your kids.

- if you are older than 14 what are you doing out on a school night? Seriously. Get a job and buy a candy bar.

3) These older kids scare me too..cuz if I don't "pull through" with the A game candy (like Peanut Butter cups) my house will get egged or t'pee'd or what have you. I hate being afraid of what you'll do to my material items.

4) When coming to the door don't ask me "what do you have" and then roll your nose. I'd say "there is the door and you can leave" but they haven't come in.

5) Parents teach your kids to ring the door bell and STEP BACK a little so I can open the door and not push them off my front steps. Granted its pure comedy when "Aiden" busts his light saber falling off my steps..but do it somewhere else.

6) What is one of the big rules you learn..if the light is out don't go to the house. That holds true for when I shut the outside light off. We are closed and I am on my 20th PBCup that I have hoarded go away.

7) Candy buyers...we hate toothbrushes, pennies, popcornballs. Give us the A game stuff.

8) If you wanna smash the pumpkins please wait until 11/1. You will be doing me a big favor of having to throw it out "proper" and you run the risk of a mean kick in the shins from my 7 year old if you smash it that night.

9) Don't litter. I know its hard to have a pillowcase 1/2 full of candy and not eat something..just put yer wrapper back in your bag and throw it out when you get home.

have fun..be safe.


At Tuesday, October 31, 2006 10:06:00 AM , Blogger Dim said...

HAHA!!! Some gems in here! Great stuff!

At Tuesday, October 31, 2006 2:26:00 PM , Blogger Debbie said...

Those were really funny. Especially the fat guy holding the infant. That happened last year and I refused to give the woman candy.

At Tuesday, October 31, 2006 10:41:00 PM , Blogger Jenni said...

These made me laugh!

At Tuesday, October 31, 2006 11:45:00 PM , Blogger The Guinness Tooth said...

14??? Good god, I stopped at 17. I would've kept on pretending to be a child with a petuitary(sp?) gland issue, but no one would go with me.

My favorite was when the people would be too lazy to make it to the door, and would just leave a basket of candy on the door step. That was my cue to dump the basket in my pillowcase.

At Wednesday, November 01, 2006 6:37:00 AM , Blogger Hotwire said...

great job! maybe they can be printed in everyone's newspapers next october.

i like that in our neighborhood many of the guys will have a cooler next to the candy basket in order to trick-or-treat the other dads with a nice beverage...

At Wednesday, November 01, 2006 9:07:00 AM , Blogger Trish said...

Good pointers here...all of them! I'll have to print them off and post them on my mailbox next Oct. :-)

Great pix too.

At Wednesday, November 01, 2006 1:23:00 PM , Blogger Jocular Schlemiel said...

I'm feeling you bro...not that many kids out last night in my neck of the woods though.

At Friday, November 03, 2006 1:35:00 PM , Blogger Elated said...

What about the little spooks who change their costumes and come back for more candy? I think that if they're willing to go through the trouble they deserve more candy. But they're not fooling me one bit. :-)


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