Friday, June 2, 2006

I won this time Ikea...I won this time..

I have to admit that I like stuff from Ikea. Its not horribly expensive and, at least what Mrs March picks out, is pretty sharp looking.

What I don't like is the fact you need to put the stuff togeher. How the hell does a bookshelf that is over 6 feet tall and 5 feet wide come in a box that is 12 inches long and 6 inches thick? Its the Ikea elves I swear.

Mrs March and I have wanted to get a real patio set. Now that the little marches don't fall out of chairs so easily we thought it was time. So a few weeks ago Mrs March went and spent way too much money at Ikea on a bunch of stuff, 6 of which were deck chairs as such.....

So my job is to put SIX of them together. Now we only want to put one together so we can be sure it matches the table and is not to high/low etc.

So I take the box (which is the size of a shoebox it seems) and I open it. Mrs March taught me 2 ikea purchases ago to lay EVERYTHING out and count the bolts and what have you. I do so.

And then..there it is..the bane of my existence.

*sorry its get the idea and I am not retaking!

Not only that..there are THREE of them. Cuz making the freaking size bolts/nuts be the same size makes no sense right?

I begin to put the chair together and honestly it went pretty well..until I was done. I try to "recline" the seat back and the damn thing can only go 2 back (out of I think 5) before it hits the base. "This is not right says Mrs. March". Well its late so lets deal with it later.

2 weeks later I get a few minutes so I decide to try a second chair, just to see if I can figure out what I did wrong. After about 10 minutes in I figure out I had hung one part wrong. The chair was still not fully reclineable, but nobody was going to collapse it or what have you by sitting in it.

I got in the zone, by the 4th chair I didn't even need directions. I tell you bolts were tightening themselves it was awesome. Then I get to the last chair and it took me at least 1hr to do. Stuff would not line up, i had to attach, unattach at least 3 times. My back hurt, the phone was ringing, the radio was playing crappy songs and I bet it probably started raining.

I am one of those people that once hip deep in a job I want to finish it. I had a bunch of other chairs that went together like a freaking lego set but man this freaking swedish piece of shit was giving me the business. Mrs March comes out and says "wow you have been busy" and all I can do is (look for kids) and say "F'ing things man...I can put em together in 10 minutes now I can't get one to work in an hour". So I flatted boxes and cut them up for the recycle bin and have at it again...and I complete the task. All of them recline and my fat ass dosen't make em fall apart.

Now we need to weather to cooperate and there can be some grillin and swillin.


At Monday, June 05, 2006 8:53:00 AM , Blogger Jenny G said...

HAHA! Great post! I love IKEA but I despise those little Allen wrench thingies (I think that's what they're called). WTF is the deal with them?! I have very small hands and fingers and I have difficulty maneuvering them, so I can imagine how it must be for a man to do it. I bought a step stool at IKEA and it didn't have holes drilled where the screws went, so I had to try not only to screw the screw in, but also to bore a hole in wood using one of those things. Almost everything I've bought and put together from IKEA is crooked or wobbly because I buy the cheaper stuff. I've never had IKEA stiff me on hardware; it seems like I have a billion of those small wood pegs lying around because they give me three times as many as I need.

At Monday, June 05, 2006 9:30:00 AM , Blogger Rusty said...

"I had a bunch of other chairs that went together like a freaking lego set but man this freaking swedish piece of shit was giving me the business."

Best quote ever from Random Musings. I laughed out loud.

IKEA is the freakin' bomb. I'm a perfectionist, though, so I work and work and work at those damn things until I get them just right. Jenny's right...the allen wrenches are really hard to use.

(BTW, I couldn't see the pics)

At Monday, June 05, 2006 10:06:00 AM , Blogger March to the Sea said...

Rusty..i see them..but if I refresh they go away..if I refresh again they come it could be just blogspot right now?

At Monday, June 05, 2006 10:33:00 AM , Blogger Jocular Schlemiel said...

Dude, same shit happened to me with this $150 piece of shit patio set that I bought and had to put together. 10 min for the table, 1 hour per chair. Mind you, I only have built 2 out of the 4 chairs. I don't think it is just IKEA.

At Monday, June 05, 2006 12:25:00 PM , Blogger Dim said...

March, kinda funny that we both had home-related posts this time around, eh? I had a situation not long ago that very much related to yours...your post was awesome!

At Monday, June 05, 2006 1:17:00 PM , Blogger Annoyed said...

Reeeeal Tomato Ketchup, March?

I don't know why they call that stuff Hamburger "helper" I think it does just fine by itself...

I hate Ikea. Not so much their stuff as much as having to actually go there!

It way too big and they never have the thing from the catalog you came in for. They have something "similar" but not quite excact.

At Tuesday, June 06, 2006 8:46:00 AM , Blogger Debbie said...

I hate putting IKEA together too. I have a small apartment and when I spread everything out on the floor, I dont' have any room to put the damn thing together.

I do like that their prices are reasonable. That way if I hate something after a while, I don't feel too guilty about getting rid of it.


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